The World Ends Just As I Get Here

Things are falling apart and I just got here. Last week there were tornadoes all over the place, one of which just 5 miles down the road. Two days ago there was an earthquake. An earthquake felt in North Carolina: Who’s ever heard of such a thing? And now there is a major hurricane coming. I think the first word out of my mouth is going to be “apocalypse.”

It looks like the meanest part of the hurricane is going to miss us, but if it doesn’t, look out Hillsville cause here I come!  If I go see MaMa and PaPa Mitchell, there will be plenty of holding and feeding going on. Me and Pops are going to the grocery store later today with all the rest of the nutcases to stock up in case we lose power–not looking forward to that.

One good thing that’s happened over the past week is that my tears are working, so Mom and Pop don’t have to torture me anymore by sticking those cotton balls in my eyes to get out the eye boogers. Also, me and the Folks got our pictures taken last weekend. It wasn’t so bad. The lady did tell me to “work it”, but I let it slide. What was supposed to be only a $10 session turned into $100 worth of pictures. My parents thought they could get out of there by shelling out only $10. They are dumber than they look. Even I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

It’s not official, because we don’t have a digital scale that shows decimals, but it looks like I’m over 10 pounds. I’m still afraid, just to make sure, that Pops is going to take me to the grocery store and stick me in one of those scales you use to weigh your tomatoes and broccoli. I may be a baby, but I think that type of behavior is frowned upon.

I’m getting geared up for college football season. My first one and I already have plenty of Hokie stuff. The only thing I’m missing is one of those hats with the two beer cans on top and a long straw.

By the way, here is the picture Pops took just after he told me that Bryan Stinespring is still the Hokie Offensive Coordinator.

That’s it for now. Irene may be coming and I need to get ready for her.

Izaak P Mitchell, Esq.


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