Looks Like I’m A Freak

So the Folks had one of their freak out sessions a few days ago. I’m sitting on the couch, watching 30 Rock and minding my own business, when Mommy starts flipping out. She talks to Pops for a while and he starts Googling. Mommy noticed that one of my pupils is larger than the other–big whoop! Like every other time they have a question or an argument, they took to the computer. Google knows everything. What they found freaked them out even more, so they called my doc. I could have saved them a lot of trouble if they’d just asked. I was fine.

Does It Look Like Something's Wrong With Me

Luckily, I didn’t have to go to one of those stinking Emergency Rooms. The next day we visited my doc. She said I was fine and didn’t even stick a needle in me. I did have to go see another doc; this one knows all there is to know about eyes. Why she decided this was her life’s calling, you’d have to ask her. Anyway, we saw this doc and she did a bunch of tests. They were annoying, but I let the lady get on with her business. 

Of course, nothing was wrong. According to the great god of eyes, I am one of about 20 percent of people who have different sized pupils. My vision is fine. The Folks didn’t drop me on my head. I’m just a natural-born freak.

Now, I wish to talk about something really important. Enough time has passed, so I can now speak on the subject–the Sugar Bowl. What tha…. Really! We really lost that game? We totally shut down whatever they call that one dude: Shoelace or Shoeless or Old One Shoe. We throw the ball all over the field. Our untested kicker actually makes his kicks (mostly). We still lose? They did nothing! We did everything except win.

There was some really horrible and untimely officiating, but Beamer made some bad decisions and someone on that staff has got to learn how to call plays in the red zone. It’s a shame too, because I was so psyched for this game.

It was a happy time early on when we were playing well and ahead.

Of course, in the end. It was a miserable defeat in a major bowl in front a huge crowd. Hokie Tradition.

On to better news. The cats are really starting to take to me. Kendyl rubs up against me quite a bit, but I think all she really wants is food. Lulabelle, on the other hand, is a bit more standoffish. The most she has done is curl up on Pops lap while he’s holding me, but the other day she jumped up in the bed and plopped down right beside me.

Overall, things are going well here. Pops is giving me more freedom during the day now that I can sit up all by myself and play with my toys. There is this thing called the Super Bowl that’s coming up, so I’ll have to see what all the hype is about with that. Otherwise, just eating and rounding into shape.

That’s it for now. Stay tuned for a risque video featuring yours truly.

Izaak P. Mitchell


The Doc Tried to Ruin My Christmas

I’m trying real hard to like my doctor. She played with me, made me laugh and then stuck four needles in my legs–FOUR! Of course, I screamed bloody murder and had a few choice words, which I believe fell on deaf ears. Everything was going great. I gained lots of weight and height. I’m now 18.2 pounds and 26 1/4 inches. I almost rolled over on the exam table and I passed all my little tests. Apparently, sticking your feet in your mouth and babbling incoherently are steps in the right direction (see the newest video post).

With so much progress, why the needles? Why so many? Why did she want to ruin everything and right before Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, I could do this every year. I got so many presents and toys that I haven’t gotten to play with them all yet. The gifts are great, but the packaging is just as good.

Apparently, we have to take a road trip anytime there is an important holiday. I’m strapped in the backseat with no say in the temperature or the music. The Folks argue about the music. They’re both wrong. I have to listen to this and they complain about my crying! The only thing I can control is when we eat, so I don’t hold back when I’m ready to stop. 

For Christmas, we traveled to Hillsville. I got to meet lots and lots of relatives I’ve never met before. Plenty of kids, just a bit older than myself, flying around the place and showing off how well they can walk. I was stuck being held the whole time. I could feel them laughing and pointing at me. I don’t mind being held, but a man’s gotta get out on his own at some point.  It’ll be a different story next year. My Rocky workout is going strong.

It was good to see my Mitchell grandparents. I hadn’t seen them since the hurricane scare. My Papa Mitchell fed me every morning; my Mama Mitchell carried me around and chapped my cheeks with kisses. I’m still not sure about my cousin C.C.; she’s probably okay but has a habit of sidling up behind me and yelling out “baby!” The verdict is still out on my Uncles. I need to study them a bit more.

When we got back home from Hillsville, there were even more gifts to open. The Pyne’s (West Point and Connecticut versions) and my Great Grandpa Long sent me gifts as well. I like them a lot, even if I didn’t always know how to use them correctly.

Now its a different year–2012 and everyone is making their resolutions to do things better and get certain things accomplished. My list may be a little longer than most other people. It looks like this:

  • Walk
  • Talk
  • Feed myself
  • Sit up without help
  • Stop spitting up
  • Dunk a basketball

I may need to add a few more items to this list as the year moves on. I intend to knock these out early. I’m not like Pops. It takes him nearly an entire month just to type up this blog post that I dictated to him weeks ago. His age is really showing.

I have a few more thoughts to share, but I’m going to save them for another time. I’ll make sure Pops gets the next post out in a couple of days, not weeks. In the meantime, enjoy this picture of me and Mom. She is not going to be happy with me for posting it for all to see.

Izaak P. Mitchell, Esq.